Yesterday, I found myself telling a client, “I want you to stop saying ‘I do not get it’.” Instead, I suggested she sit with the discomfort that comes from not being able to figure things out. This, I realize, is a challenge for all of us.
This woman is confused about mixed messages she’s getting from the world (which means, of course, from herself), messages coming mainly from a former lover who has re-appeared in her life and challenged her comfy complacency about what is possible for her. As she gets older and feels less attractive, she is convinced that no man would truly love her, or stay with her for long. And yet, this man seems to want to be with her. She wants to have this new experience, and yet she simultaneously wants to sabotage the relationship. She sobbed softly and said again, “I do not get it. Why would he want me?” And I watched her slip back into the pool of suffering we so often swim in because we need to know what everything means, or how everything will work out
Of course you don’t get it, I said. Nobody gets it!! Life is one big ball of mystery and confusion and contradiction and wildness. For right now, your task is to learn to go with the flow of this amazing event that is occurring. Just take it in and accept it. You are being given a beautiful lesson in learning that you are worthy. That you have the potential to engender a whole range of responses from people—some good, some bad, some neutral. When we judge, grasp, or resist these responses, we get into trouble. When we just let the experience happen, we begin to craft a life of richness and variety.
Don’t try to “get it.” Just let it be. Don’t try to manipulate it. Just let it happen. Don’t try to make it last. Just be in the present moment of glorious feeling. Experience comes and it goes. We can’t hang on to anything. There is no ground under our feet.
But there is beautiful blue sky above our heads if we will only look up and soak it in. Open clarity arises.